


Path To Isolation

by MelodyoftheVoid



Series: Forged Identities [3]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, Guilt, Hallucinations, Introspection, It's Zib, Kinda, Lots and lots of guilt, M/M, Mental Instability, Prison, Survey says yes, What Did You Expect, can one break out by accident?, he is getting better, it's a mental breakdown, prison break - Freeform, say it with me kids, ~shitty kazoo~
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodyoftheVoid/pseuds/MelodyoftheVoid
Summary: When left to its own devices, the mind tends to wander. Introspection is a double edged sword.
Relationships: (mentioned) - Relationship, Dib & Gaz (Invader Zim), Dib & Zib | Zim Number 1, Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), Gaz & Zib | Zim Number 1, Professor Membrane & Zib | Zim Number 1
Series: Forged Identities [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048246
Comments: 22
Kudos: 33





	Path To Isolation

The feeling of pen on paper was a familiar sensation to Zib, a welcome one even. Sure he had experienced many luxuries as a prince, opportunities afforded to very few, still he preferred this. Given the circumstances he was lucky to even have this. 

The former prince set down the quill on the cot, letting the aching pain of the feedback pass. Zib could only manage a few scant lines at a time before his hand started to cramp and ache once more, a bitter reminder of what he’d taken from himself in his desperation. 

At the very least the forced reprieves made him look back over his work, almost enforcing introspection on the next words he would put to the few pages he’d been allowed. Again, it was better than nothing. 

The first handful of ‘entries’ if you could call them that were desperate attempts at reassurance. That his brother was alright, alive, that was how he’d gotten his hands on this material in the first place. The physical sensation tied his manic mind back to his agony ridden body, and over time the worst of the hallucinations and pain passed. 

The fact he’d started eating regularly probably helped some as well. 

But as he spent more time lucid, Zib was forced to sort through his labyrinth of emotions for the first time in as long as he could remember. It’d been easy to ignore the guilt and solely focus on the anger, indulging in the pursuit of vengeance as if it would ease the loneliness that surrounded him like an impenetrable fog. 

And like so many aspects of the life he once had, he no longer had that luxury. 

The easiest to sort out was Gaz. He’d used her, played on her fierce loyalty and protective nature. She… she never once thought ill of him. Her busy schedule left her little time for any relaxation, let alone with him, as scarce as he made himself within the castle. 

He could see her now, drawing glasses and attaching sticks to a dummy just to beat the tar out of him once more. He was… almost certain that she’d done that more than once by now. 

Not that he blamed her. 

Taking a breath, he resumed writing again. Moving to Zim, then to his father. 

Shame curled at the memory of that hand on his shoulder, touch feather light yet damning. Those ever obscured eyes staring down in abject horror and disappointment. As if seeing for the first time what he’d done to his son. 

In full at least. 

But as much as he’d been able to for lack of better terms understand what he felt for them, what part they’d played, what he’d done, he could live with how they felt for him as well. He was the villain to Zim, the disappointment to his father, the traitor to Gaz. 

Then… then there was Dib. 

How to begin to unravel that thread? 

One small, vitriolic piece of him still held onto his hatred of his brother. The years of neglect having left a mark on his soul just as plain as the scars on Zib’s face. Unlike before though, instead of seeing that anger as righteous, as something to drive him forward, it only filled him with shame now. 

For as much as he took from his brother, forced him to endure the torment of watching the world move on without him. The slow decay of his mind, memories lost day by day, less of a person and more of a reflection. He’d stolen Zim’s heart in front of him. Nearly fucking  _ taken his life in cold blood _ . 

Still Dib had come with an open heart. Come to see him. To talk. 

That hug was the first friendly contact, the first  _ loving _ contact, Zib had in as long as he could remember. Dib looked at the miserable wreck he’d become as a result of his own machinations and saved him. He could have, _ should have _ left him to rot and wither away. Letting starvation, dehydration, or the shades conjured by his tormented mind finish him off. 

So why hadn’t he? 

Guilt roiled in the pit of his stomach, tumultuous as the sea he’d claimed had taken Dib. Zib kept asking himself that question even after his brother had told him exactly what he’d thought. Maybe it was his own bitter habits, his never-ending well of anger and resentment that kept him from understanding. 

He owed everything to his brother now, without the slightest means of truly telling him again how he’d given him so much more than he deserved. How much the small comfort of the pen and quill made him feel like a person again. By all means Zib Membrane deserved no cot, no human contact, no comfort, and certainly no reassurances from his twin. 

Looking at himself now, he wondered how he ever thought he’d make a better sovereign than Dib. 

The kingdom deserved a man with a heart, not a monster. 

The ex-prince read back over the letters, a bittersweet sense of relief overtaking him. Somehow it took this long for Zib to really look at who he’d been, and what he’d truly felt for his family. But yet again, it wasn’t as if he had any other way to pass the time. 

Sleeping was the only other theoretical option, and that was… unpleasant at the best of times. 

The less time he spent reliving that day over and again on loop, of watching his same stupid mistakes play out the better. Sleep was a necessity to keep from slipping away from reality. Nothing more. 

The light of the sun dimmed ever more, casting the small cell in darkness. Instinctively Zib went to cast a simple light spell before the more logical side of his brain caught up with him. Using magic,  _ and magic _ , would cause far more issues than it would solve. The guard would come by to light the torches soon anyway. Probably. 

Zib lay down on the cot, resigning himself to another long, agonizing night. 

It was never going to be that simple though.

“Well, you think that’s it?”

Zib felt his breathing quicken as his body refused to move. The tremors the only movement that was allowed, the constant shake sending small waves of pain through him. He hated this the most, out of everything. He couldn’t escape. Not from himself. 

“It was just a few letters, I wanted-”

“You wanted to do this for yourself? To absolve yourself of the guilt? To worm your way back into their good graces?”

“It’s not as if I ever expect them to read these! Leave me be!” 

He flinched at the laughter, high and mocking. The sound echoing in the chamber. It’s strange how one’s own voice can sound so foreign. 

“Oh so you know then? That not one of them is going to see you?” 

“I-”

“After this past little  _ visit _ , do you think Dib will ever come back? Why would he? What purpose would that serve him? He has Zim and the throne. What use does he have for you?”

Zib shrunk into himself, the shivers intensifying over time. It was right, it was always right. 

“That’s right! None! So this what the rest of your life will be, just you alone in this cell forever.” 

Forever. 

_ Forever. _

He’d nearly forgotten, in the haze of pain and despair that had been his trial, that his had been a life sentence. That this small room was to be his tomb. Isolated for the rest of his days. 

Gods, he was only 23, how many years would he stay here, alone? 

Light continued to fade, with the rising moon only providing a single silver sliver in the center of the cell. In the near complete darkness the space appeared both endless and suffocating, a claustrophobic void. 

The paralysis ebbed, yet the panic remained, the ability to move only letting him pace frantically, rather than contain his mania to one place. 

It still wasn’t enough though. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Not here. 

“You can’t escape this Zib, you know you can’t. You’ll fade away here.” 

“I know, I know-” 

“Of course I could always… speed up that process.”

Zib froze, turning to see a figure in the darkness. Logically, there was no one there. There couldn’t be. It was a trick, nothing more than his guilt surfacing to torment him. 

Logic wasn’t at the forefront of his mind though. 

All he felt, all he knew, was that he had to get away from that thing, whatever it was. Zib didn’t know what happened next, the stagnant air of the prison turning bitter and windy, the sensation of stinging thorns and branches tearing at his arms and legs. 

Hours and days almost appeared to blend together, a haze of desperation and fear, marked by only the briefest of pauses. That shadow never out of his sight. Until at long last he could go no further, a small cabin in the midst of the forest appearing as a shelter to Zib. 

He stumbled in, a light coating of dust on every surface. But that was irrelevant. As Zib collapsed onto the bed, the weight of what he’d done felt distant, unimportant. He was free of the fate of that room. That was all that mattered. 

What a luxury.

_ The moment the news of the escape reached the palace, the whole kingdom went on high alert. Fear pierced the hearts of the citizens at the thought of the mad prince being loose, of coming back. While he hadn’t done much to them, his actions did little to incline them towards thinking he’d be a benevolent king.  _

_ Should he attempt to take back the throne of course.  _

_ Dib insisted that they investigate the cell for clues, and Gaz agreed. Not that he was surprised. She wanted to ensure Zib’s sentence carried through to its end. He was more concerned than anything else given Zib’s state the last time they met. The pair arrived to find the prison mostly intact, save for a hole melted in the one side. No doubt where their sibling had been held.  _

_ A guard, the same that had guided Dib when he’d visited, bowed deeply and apologetically, frantically trying to explain what had happened. From the jumbled explanation they gathered that it’d come suddenly, and if Dib was right, it was a spur of the moment choice. Long term planning didn’t really seem… like Zib’s strong suit.  _

_ If not before, least of all now.  _

_ Another guard came forward with a stack of papers, all clearly in Zib’s handwriting.  _

_ “Your highnesses, this was left behind in the prisoner’s room. You might… want to read these.” _

_ “Thank you for your hard work. Are there any signs of where he went?” _

_ “None your highness, but we’re still searching.”  _

_ “Damn, well keep up the search, he can’t have gotten far.”  _

_ Gaz snatched up the papers, leafing through the pages with barely contained disgust.  _

_ “Nothing of use here. No clues or anything. There might be codes but I doubt it given his… state. Some of this is incomprehensible. The rest is just pathetic really. You can look but, well. It’s nothing but drivel.”  _

_ Dib took the notes with care, frowning at the more incomprehensible ones. They looked… desperate. Like a last resort. It wouldn’t surprise him if they were.  _

_ But the last one made him pause. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes at the words.  _

> _ To Dib, Zim, Gaz, Father, I don’t know where I could even begin to make any amends for what I’ve done. I know my continued presence in your lives... it only causes you more pain. I’ve irrevocably broken and hurt all of you in some way, and though I know that you will never see this I want to acknowledge I know for certain that we’ll never see each other in person again, I am no longer a part of your lives, I made sure of that, albeit unintentionally.  _
> 
> _ So I write this in the hopes that I can pretend to mend anything.  _
> 
> _ To Zim, your bravery and ferocity will serve you well. Please, protect my brother and help heal the wounds that I’ve caused. Though I know you will regardless of what I say, or what anyone would ask of you. Your love for him is... something I envied I think. Not that it excuses anything I did.  _
> 
> _ To Gaz. I know if we ever meet again that you will not hesitate to separate my head from my body, and I understand. I took advantage of your incredible loyalty, of your dedication to our family. May the kingdom be ever safe in your care.  _
> 
> _ Father, don’t... don’t blame yourself for my failings. I should have known far better and yet I did nothing but act selfishly and put the kingdom in harm’s way. Forgive me for bringing shame on you and our family.  _
> 
> _ And to Dib. I thank you for believing in me, however impossible of a task I made that for you. You were, and continue to be far better than I in every way. I was a fool to let my jealousy threaten you and your fiancé. You will become a king the world will remember, and you deserve that recognition. More than I ever did.  _
> 
> _ A piece of me hopes that you will miss me, but that is too much to ask from you. Not after all of this. So I only ask that you... understand. That is all I can do. _
> 
> _ -Zib. _

  
  


_ The prince stifled a sob holding the letter close. It was the closest he would ever come to hearing another thing from his brother he had a feeling. If he didn’t want to be found… he likely wouldn’t.  _

_ Dib let his hand run over the parchment, the feeling of paper, a lasting reminder. Perhaps a final goodbye. At the very least he had the luxury of seeing him one more time before he’d disappeared again.  _

_ It was all he could ask for.  _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Ok ok I promise that I am (for now) done with giving Zib mental breaks. At least, you know. This bad. His head is not a pleasant place to be. But he's not going to be alone for long. Promise <3


End file.
